The walls felt as though they were closing in.  I climbed under the covers to get warm, but nothing would warm the chill in my body.  I felt my eyes grow heavy.

I must have slept for several hours because when I woke the hunger was unbearable.  I reached for my purse only to find a dollar and some change.  But there was a granola bar that I had managed to slip in my purse unnoticed at the neighboring convenience store.  I ate that and drank some water from the tap.   I can’t say a steak dinner with all the fixings would have cured the pain of emptiness inside me.

I slowly pulled on the grey sweatpants and baggy black sweatshirt.  They had certainly seen better days.  I glanced in the bathroom mirror and splashed some cold water on my face.  How hideous, I thought.  To think I used to not leave the house without make-up.  Now make-up seemed like a luxury, but certainly not the cure for the broken face staring back at me.

I don’t know what caused me to do it, but I suddenly felt drawn to the small night table by the bed.  I opened the drawer and there it was—a Bible.  I chuckled at the thought of the last time I’d picked up one of those books.  It must have been over a year.

A year ago I was happily married, working the job of my dreams, and you couldn’t have kept me away from church.  I sang in the choir, organized church events, and sat in the front row every Sunday, pouring over the pastor’s sermons.  The tears started to fall again.  This time sobs followed—heavy sobs.

I curled up on the bed again and started reading through one of the Gospels.  It talked about repentance and how the lost are found.  It spoke of heaven rejoicing at one sinner’s repentance.  Was this me the scriptures were describing?

Pulling the covers off, I slowly climbed out of bed.  I knelt down, folded my hands and dropped my head to the floor.  I felt shame—so much shame.  I cried out to God, “I’m sorry Lord.  I’m sorry for all the horrible things I’ve done and the people that I’ve hurt.  I’m sorry I was so selfish and sought the pleasures of this sinful world rather than seeking you.  Show me what to do, Lord.  Show me.”

A loud truck horn broke through my thoughts.  I went and peered through the window and found one massive traffic jam.  And then I saw it, right in front of the motel was a semi-truck with the words, “Come Home” plastered in red ink on the dirty white background.  I couldn’t tell you what company was advertising, but I knew those words were for me.  Was this the answer the Lord was giving me?  Would God really take me back?

“I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your (daughter); So (she) got up and went to (her) father. ”But while (she) was still a long way off, (her) father saw (her) and was filled with compassion for (her); he ran to his (daughter), threw his arms around (her) and kissed (her).” Luke 15: 18-20

When God ran.

What does that even mean? What are the parameters for determining such a thing? In my mind you are either a smoker or you are not. You are either trying to quit or you’re not trying. My mind wandered even further. I would never say I’m 95% married. One is either married or not married. Right?

The same principle applies to our confession of faith in Christ. We either believe He is the Christ the Son of the Living God, or we don’t. In Luke 9, a conversation unfolds between Jesus and the 12 disciples He was teaching and training.

“Once when Jesus was praying in private and his disciples were with him, he asked them, ‘Who do the crowds say I am?’

They replied, ‘Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, that one of the prophets of long ago has come back to life.’

‘But what about you?’ he asked. ‘Who do you say I am?’

Peter answered, ‘The Christ of God.”

Can you picture it? There was no hesitation. Peter, speaking for the disciples, believed that Jesus was the Son of God. Peter didn’t say, “We disciples discussed it and we are about 95% sure you are the Son of God.” No, they were certain.

This leads me to another question. Does confessing our faith always mean we’ll live out our faith when we are tested? I want you to see something in Luke 22:31-32.

”Simon, Simon (which was Peter), Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

Jesus knows the battle we face in this fallen world. The Enemy wants nothing more than to destroy us and turn us from our Savior. Peter is a great example of this. He boldly denied the very one he confessed to believing (Luke 22). Christ knew this would happen. He knew that in a moment of weakness, Peter would fall into the trap of the Enemy. Did this make Peter’s confession any less? Not at all. I believe it made his faith even stronger. Jesus even told him that once he had turned back from his sin of denial he was to strengthen his brothers.

You may be in a situation where your faith is being tested from all sides. Satan may be sifting you like wheat. You know the truth and you believe it whole-heartedly, but living it out is a whole different story. I want to encourage you to NOT listen to the lies of the Enemy. He wants your faith to be non-existent, and he would probably settle for it to be a small percentage. But your faith cannot be measured by a percentage. It either is or it isn’t.

Let us one day be able to say these words of Paul: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have KEPT THE FAITH.” 2 Timothy 4:7

Not exactly a child’s favorite memory. Still I’ll never forget it.

Our church, grown beyond capacity, needed a bigger building. The leadership decided a three-year, church-wide building fundraiser was the necessary next step. And, as part the elder team heading up the initiative, my dad believed our family should be one of the first to make some kind of monetary investment.

Made sense to me. But I was just a kid. I didn’t expect it to impact me directly. Until we sat down as a family and started to brainstorm ideas for coming up with our contribution. Cut back on allowances. Give up extra activities. Forgo restaurant eating. Small potatoes kind of stuff. With a serious expression, dad nodded at our suggestions and then challenged us to go deeper. As he explained,

sacrifice isn’t really sacrifice unless it hurts.

That’s precisely the moment we proposed canceling Christmas. Not the holiday as a whole, but the present part. After all, what could “hurt” more than giving up gifts? Of course, seconds after suggesting it, I believe both my brother and I felt tightening of our stomachs. Regret? Maybe. Retraction? No. And just that fast, we cut Christmas from our calendar. For the following three years.

Months passed before the first holiday came. The deeper we moved into December, the more our decision “hurt.” No Christmas. Weird. What EXACTLY will we do all day? As the month wore on, and child-like disappointment grew, it became clear we needed something else to invest in. After hearing of some friends in a financial bind, we set out to surprise them with the best creative Christmas we could muster, without the extra cash. And the diversion proved to be one of the most creative and fun projects we’d experienced. By the time Christmas Eve rolled around, we were more caught up in our secret surprise than the fact our own tree would remain barren Christmas morning.

The anonymous homemade gifts delivered, we returned home on Christmas Eve both inspired and content. This is what Christmas is all about. Even us kids knew it to be true. And though the experience of Christmas without gifts held its moments of disappointment and regret, we all remained convinced of it’s worth. Today I can’t recall for the life of me what might’ve gone without. The Christmas wishes of those years have long since evaporated with time. The lesson learned–and the sheer joy of giving–however, remains as clear as as if it happened yesterday.

For it is the giving—not the getting—that truly makes Christmas something to both celebrate and remember.

“Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks? Come here,” he jeers, “and I’ll give your flesh to the birds of the air and the beasts of the field!” (I Samuel 17:44) Silly man. He thinks his size will save him. He puts his trust in the metal that covers his body. In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? (Psalm 56:4)

I hear the shouts coming at me from every direction, both from those in my camp and those in my enemies’. They find me incredulous to face this giant, but I’ll tell you what is incredulous. This man. Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God? (I Samuel 17:26b) My God is much bigger than any “champion.”

“Hey monster-man, you come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.” He laughs and snorts, thinking my God to be as powerless as his. “This day the LORD will hand you over to me, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD’s, and he will give all of you into our hands” (I Samuel 17:45-47).

A hush falls over the land as I place one of my smooth rocks in my sling and aim at the only non-protected part of his body: his forehead. The earth shakes as his body falls to the ground. I triumph over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in (my) hand (I) struck down the Philistine and killed him (I Samuel 17:50).

Friend, what are the giants in your life and what are you focused on? Do you see God’s supernatural ability, or do you see their fancy weaponry and compare it to the few “meaningless” stones in your pouch? Does the size of whatever you’re up against haunt you? Does that which you are called to seem too enormous? Are you overwhelmed? Feel unequipped? Ill prepared? Abandoned? I can’t promise every rock will bring your Goliaths down, but I guarantee there is one rock that will never fail you.

“There is no one holy like the LORD; there is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God. I Samuel 2:2

This is a beautiful portrayal of the body of Christ.  As Krista shared in The Greatest Stories Ever Told, we all have our own testimonies, which paint our individual tiles.  What is beyond my comprehension is how God can take all of our tiles and put them together to create a magnificent display.

So in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.”  Romans 12:5-8