For years I lived captive inside his prison. Steel bars made up of “What if” and “If only” penned me in, interfering with my ability to live on the outside. With both hands I tried to bend my history into something more pretty and pristine, without the pain, complications and reminders of where I’d been. But Regret wouldn’t let change a history already written.

At times I wonder how Paul—once Saul—managed to live without regret. In all his writings, I don’t here him pining away about what might’ve been. I don’t read his self-loathing for years of misdirected passion. How did he forgive himself of his murderous past? And how did he forgive so many others who tried to wreck his life? He had plenty of reasons for regret, plenty of opportunities to wish for a life and legacy that looked different than what it was.

But Paul didn’t see it that way all.

“I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him.” ~ Philippians 3:8-9a

Within Paul’s proclamation lies the secret to my release from Regret’s prison:

If the ugliness in my past and the failures of myself and others led me to the feet of Christ, then my legacy is a beautiful thing indeed. The history I longed to changed is the same history that brought me into a deep and enduring knowledge of the God who rescued me. In releasing the vision for what could’ve been I was finally able to see what God had done. And continues to do.

And in the letting go, God finally set me free.

Whether you’re a murderer of Christians, or a woman with a messy past, your regrets don’t have to own you.

Gain Christ, lose the rest. It really is that simple.

When they were toddlers, I made nearly every decision for them, including the rooms they played in, the toys they played with, the food they ate for dinner, and what time they went to bed. When elementary school came around, I still decided which friends they could play with, the activities they could participate in after school and how much television they could watch after they completed their homework. They had more freedom, choosing baseball over soccer, or Scooby Doo over Sponge Bob. But I held veto power at all times.

I now have a child that’s nearly 19. Crazy to think about, but it’s true. And although I have some control over what happens inside the walls of my home, there is little I can do when he walks out the front door. He’s an adult. And more than any time before now, I’m a mother on her knees.

As Paul wrote to his spiritual children in the Philippian church, I wonder if he felt the same kind of urgency I feel as I watch my own children pave their way through life. Just like me, Paul had taught them, encouraged them, and corrected them. He’d done everything he could to point them to the Savior and teach them how to live as God’s children. But when the time came for them to life out their faith on their own, Paul knew the first and best thing he could do for them was to pray.

“And this is my prayer…” ~ Philippians 1:9

So what did this man of God and spiritual father pray for? That they would:

* Abound in love and knowledge
* Show discernment in their decisions
* Remain pure and holy before God
* Bear righteous fruit based on their relationship with Christ
* Give glory to God through their lives

I have a single handwritten note next to Philippians 1 in my Bible, dated November 22, 2004:

“Pray this for Tyler, Ryan, Jacob and Troy.”

My three boys and husband. I’d forgotten. Now is the perfect time to remember.

Whether you’re a parent, a spouse or not, God has brought people into your life who need someone committed enough to pray this kind of prayer. It’s one thing to have great intentions, but it’s another thing to actually do it. This week I’m writing Philippians 1:9-11 on an index card and slipping it into my back pocket every morning. I’m committing to praying this verse for those I love for the next seven days.

Will you join me?

She’d tried that already. Sent her friends to get her Jesus, the One she knew could arm wrestle death and come out with a win. But He was eerily silent, choosing to stay where he was rather than belly up to the crisis table. Strange that he delayed, uncharacteristic based on the open love he’d previously shown. Hissing whispers tempted her to question Him, or at least his loyalty. Who would refuse to come at the hour of a friend’s deepest need? Apparently Jesus would. And He did. And Martha struggled to make sense of it.

Grief and confusion are an explosive combination. It’s painful to endure a loss. It’s an exponential pain to endure a loss that could have been prevented. The injustice of unnecessary grief ignites rage like little else. The soul screams, WHY?

For centuries Martha has been getting a bad rap for her childish tattling on a sister who wouldn’t help her clean up the kitchen. And although it’s true she once sounded much like my boys arguing over who folded the most laundry or put away the most dishes, there was another moment when wisdom trumped immaturity. And at that moment, the moment of her profound grief, Martha pulled out a whopper:

“Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?’ ‘Yes, Lord,’ she told him, ‘I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world.’” ~ John 11:25-26

Wowza. Did you see that? At a crossroads of questions, Martha was confident of her Jesus. She may have been drowning in unknowns, but she chose to hang on to what she knew for a fact. “You are the Christ, the Son of God.” Without diminishing his reality or questioning his role, she stood firm in His “I AM”-ness, without understanding a lick about the rest.

That’s a whopper of a lesson for all of us.

]]> http://meetmeattheintersection.com/2009/09/27/marthas-whopper/feed/ 0 http://meetmeattheintersection.com/2009/09/07/a-tale-of-two-women/ http://meetmeattheintersection.com/2009/09/07/a-tale-of-two-women/#comments Tue, 08 Sep 2009 03:47:51 +0000 Michele http://meetmeattheintersection.com/?p=615 There are times when I’m convinced two women have set up shop in my head.

The first one probably came up with the idea and put herself in charge of the move into Michele-land. She’s industrious and determined, albeit bossy. She’s the one to call when a committee needs forming and a nursery needs staffing. A mile-long to-do list turns into a been-done list in no time flat when she’s in command. She herds children better than any sheep dog and keeps the man of the house on his toes. She’s read through the Bible at least three times, finishing in precisely 365 days (except for that one leap year) and holds fellow Bible study members accountable to their homework. Small group is hosted in her home each week and she proudly sets her homemade pastries down beside all the canned imitations on Easter Sunday. If ever I’m tempted to pat myself on the back for a day’s hard work, she smirks and looks down her make-upped nose with a knowing shake of the head: no one, and I mean NO ONE works harder than Martha. The only threat to her sense of accomplishment is a glimpse at the peaceful face of her sister.

Yes, while Martha is busy dusting and straightening rooms which were dusted and straightened yesterday, her sister sits on the back porch, sipping sweet tea, sniffing flowers and occasionally throwing encouragements to her busy counterpart to cop a squat. She doesn’t wear a watch and is unconcerned about the dishes heaped in the sink. Confident the dust bunnies will still be there when she returns, she escapes into a book or a devotional, oblivious to the to-do list that keeps piling higher than last week’s laundry. She is content and at peace. Hours can pass while she strains to hear God speak to her heart (and on occasion she’s been known to forget to pick up her kids). She may never make it through the entire Bible, but she can hang out on one verse until she’s dug deep into it’s various meanings. However, try as she might to savor the silence, she can never fully escape the sense of guilt that accompanies. The Proverbs 31 woman was able to do the work as well as the worship, after all. She should probably “do” something productive.

[sigh]

As I said, two women have taken residence in my head. One understands the value of hard work (Don’t forget: God established the value of work even in the Garden of Eden!). The other values the simpler, quieter moments of merely being with God, even if that means the dishes don’t get done and dinner comes out of a box (Jesus often escaped to quiet places, right?). Guilt accompanies me whether I side with Martha or Mary. Who should I emulate if I want to be like God?

I find it both interesting and telling that the tale of two sisters, Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42), is sandwiched between the Parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37) and Jesus’ Teaching On Prayer (Luke 11:1-13). One applauds the person willing to tirelessly serve; the other weighs heavily on the value of time spent alone with God. Clearly there is something of value in both.

Mary and Martha’s story is the subject for this next month. Though we’ll study and draw differing truths over the next few weeks, I want us to keep one thing in mind: In God’s kingdom, there is a time and place for those who serve and those who sit. There is value in both work and meditation. The trick is in learning the time for each.

Time to sit at His feet.

]]> http://meetmeattheintersection.com/2009/09/07/a-tale-of-two-women/feed/ 0 http://meetmeattheintersection.com/2009/02/08/dancing-on-the-floor-of-the-impossible/ http://meetmeattheintersection.com/2009/02/08/dancing-on-the-floor-of-the-impossible/#comments Sun, 08 Feb 2009 18:00:05 +0000 Michele http://meetmeattheintersection.com/?p=405

I think she stopped dreaming. That’s why she laughed.

Those who dream are seldom surprised by the extraordinary. A Dreamer lives hoping for the dream. Looking for it. Anticipating it. She holds her breath waiting for her breath to be stolen. And is thoroughly delighted when what she knew would happen, does. “Nothing is impossible with God” is her motto. Each day passes like a treasure hunt in search of the mysterious impossible just so she can sit and watch it’s undoing at the hands of a Real God.

But for 89 year old Sarah, too much time and disappointment transformed her lush dreams to a starving desert. By the time The Visitors found her, she’d long since stopped looking for the impossible to happen. The years spent dreaming dreams of children laughing and playing at the hem of her skirts seemed like wasted energy. When foggy imaginings failed to become reality, she gave up dreaming altogether, and lived, instead, with two feet fully planted in harsh reality.

“‘I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.’ … So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, ‘After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?’ Then the LORD said to Abraham, ‘Why did Sarah laugh … Is anything too hard for the LORD?’” (Genesis 18:10-14)

Do you stand with both feet in reality, scoffing dreamers and their dreams as the immature imaginings of idealistic youth? OR do you dare to keep one foot dancing on the floor of the impossible? For there is One who waits to take you for a spin, and with a wink and a smile says, “Wait until you get a load of this…”

Better not to laugh at such an invitation. Only faith in the impossible will take where you’ve always wanted to go.

Bring it on.

No doubt about it, she’s fully educated on what’s right. “God did say…” (Gen. 3:3). But the fruit looked good, and the promised wisdom irresistible. In the briefest of moments, the hard truth flew out the window in lieu of soft compromise, set up by a series of seemingly insignificant justifications. Read all of Genesis 3, if you don’t believe me.

Eve’s story could just as easily be my personal biography. How many times have I ended up sick to my stomach because I came up with creative ways to justify a little tasteful temptation? I’m an expert at excuses. The truth is, we all are.

We permit gossip under the guise of concern.

We flirt with infidelity because “God wants me to be happy.”

We justify a judgmental spirit in an exercise of standing up for what’s right.

We disrespect in the spirit of being honest about our feelings.

We savor unforgiveness because we “have a right to be angry.”

We’re stingy with love because we can’t condone wrong behavior.

We feast on self-indulgence because, after all, “life is short.”

Eve didn’t set out to blatantly disobey God. I doubt she woke up that morning with any clue that it would be her last sunrise in the garden. But a series of small decisions, which SHE MADE, including allowing one very unhealthy relationship with a snake, led her right out of the garden of true intimacy and into a world of harsh reality.

Every morning we wake up with the opportunity to move toward the garden-like relationship with God or toward an existence based on half-truths and false intimacy. The path between the moment you wake up and the moment you go to sleep is littered with little, seemingly inconsequential decisions that will (REPEAT: WILL) set your course toward one destination or the other. Don’t be fooled into thinking a little tasteful temptation is harmless.

Truth fruit will feed your soul. The fake stuff, though sweet at the time, is poison.